Throughout the year of 2020 we often hear how hearts, minds and lives have been changed through rearranging priorities and finding gratitude in the smallest of ways. For me, and our family, it wasn’t 2020 that brought about these enlightening moments but rather 2019, the year following our son’s autism diagnosis.
After my son’s diagnosis I had hit rock bottom. Exhaustion, grief and fear all set in at once and tried to make a home but God had different plans. God used this time to grow and stretch me in ways I could have never imagined. The biggest and most visible of this growth was gratitude and grace. God taught me how to find gratitude even in the hardest, and what seemed like the darkest moments, of my life. Every day I would wake up with fear or doubt hanging over my head blinding me from seeing the truth and light. And every day God met me there to show me even through my worries and insecurities there is gratitude to be found through grace.
Slowly through therapy, mom’s group at church and volunteering in the special needs ministry at our church I began finding myself again. The person who I had abandoned since having our son. I began seeing family as the most important piece of life. I began opening up my heart to reconcile lost and broken relationships. I started to forgive myself for believing a lie that I wasn’t doing enough for my son or that I wasn’t a good enough mom for him. I began educating family on our son’s diagnosis instead of becoming defensive that they did not see or support what we knew to be true about our son. I found gratitude.
The day I truly, wholeheartedly, felt gratitude I was overwhelmed with its power. The power to see our family’s circumstances in a whole new way. I began treating myself, family, friends, and even strangers differently all because I now had found what it truly meant to have a grateful heart. Wounds began healing. Negativity was turned into hope. And fear was turned into confidence.
This transformation did not occur over night nor did it happen easily. I had to want to see the light. I had to push through every obstacle that was laid before me for over a year before fully grasping and understanding how grace and gratitude go hand in hand. It was some of the hardest personal growth I had ever experienced. But it made me see myself, son, family and world differently.
So, while most people in 2020 are being pushed to experience similar enlightenment I learned the lessons of 2020 in 2019. Walking into 2020 and everything it has brought I was able to use my lessons from 2019 to share with others hope, gratitude and grace. We have all experienced challenges in 2020 but when we focus on what we are grateful for and prioritize in the way God has always intended, 2020 doesn’t seem as scary.
I’m grateful to have had our 2020 lows in 2019 so I could help others better navigate 2020.
I’m grateful even in the scarcest of circumstances having a baby in the middle of a pandemic when number are rising again I’m grateful and at peace.
I’m grateful God lead our family back to Colorado this summer so we could be closer to those who love us the most.
I’m grateful for a healed marriage and a son who will defy all odds that are up against him.
I’m grateful to have found myself again to help grow others and pour hope into hopeless hearts.
We all have seasons of 2020. It just happens the whole world can now come together and relate with one another on the ups and downs 2020 has given and I think that is beautiful.
I’m grateful.
Whitney Sarnowski is mom to a beautiful son who has autism. She has her ME.D in Special Education and Applied Behavior Analysis. She is currently ready to sit for her board exams to become a Board Certified Behavior Analyst but Covid has made taking the exam complicated. She hopes to sit for the exam Spring 2021. Her family is expecting their second child, baby girl, any day now. Whitney uses her platform on Instagram to empower and educate special needs families. Whitney enjoys spreading awareness of early intervention and easy strategies to use in-home for children who have special needs.
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